I planted a tree.
Let me start this story over.
A couple of weeks ago Beast ran through my altar and knocked my Aphrodite statue to the floor, breaking her. This is the second time she has been broken. The first time was when Amber did the same thing many years ago.
Aphrodite was sitting on the dining room table waiting to be glued back together and I was sitting here Friday night and looked at her and the energy felt like it was time to let her go. But how to do that? I didn’t want to just throw her away. And then I remembered that I have some trees sitting next to the porch waiting to be planted. One of them was Gingko Biloba and it immediately jumped into my mind. But was that the right energy? I did a quick internet search and it seemed surprisingly appropriate. So Saturday morning I got up and went out and dug a hole next to the labyrinth big enough to put Aphrodite at the roots of the Gingko tree. Standing there watering it this morning I could feel the energy settling into place.
From the website treespiritwisdom.com:
“Ginkgo brings a time of stillness and spiritual initiation or enlightenment into our life. This is a powerful and positive time to increase our awareness of life by honoring our dreams and intuitive powers. Meditate on where there is imbalance and seek insight from signs and symbols that naturally present themselves. What may have been unknown or mysterious to us is now becoming known as nature reveals its once hidden truths for us to see.”
“The Ginkgo stands for resilience, hope, peace, love, magic, timelessness, and long life. Ginkgo is also associated with duality, a concept that recognizes the feminine and masculine aspects of all living things and is often expressed as yin and yang.”
All of this feels very apropos as I am choosing to dive into a period of personal contemplation and actively working on my self growth.
Today’s lesson, coping technique and personal task: Find a notebook to put my anger in. When I am hurt or triggered or feeling like I want to lash out, write the words down. Put them on paper, that way I feel like I’ve gotten them out of my head. Does that fix it? No? Then write them down again. Still not good enough? Do it a 3rd time. Then set down the notebook and walk away for a minimum of 24 hours before I have a conversation with anyone about anything.
Thing 2: Tell myself that I’m proud of the growth I’ve accomplished over the last couple of years and that making mistakes doesn’t mean I’m a failure. That’s a hard one for me. I set high standards for myself and when I don’t make the mark I’m my harshest critic.
Today’s mantra: I am good enough. And I can be better with self work. These two things are mutually supportive.
Today’s frustration? Trying to navigate the Tricare website to find a counselor in my network. What even? Could they make it more difficult? I’m going to see if I can get someone to pick up a phone and explain to me how to make the system work.
One step at a time. Walking my talk. Choosing my path.